Vagabond Zim comes home
by sikeokilla
Summary: Zim was just avoiding his responsibilities he always knew it would come back to this place it always did in his head. But is it something he's looking for or someone...  ZAGR
1. Prologue

Welcome to discreet funeral morgue I am your host The sikeokilla This is my first story so bear/put up with me please Also does anyone know where I can post my own origional stuff beacuse I'm planning to start a comic

I thank you for your patience faithful listeners.

Eternally yours The sikeokilla EWC

p.s. see you in oblivion (Oh yeah like you didn't know where we were going)

Zim was not new to pain he inflicted it on the dib-stink everyday and the dibstink in turn had inflicted it on him many times. He was also no stranger to pleasure wether it was at the success of not completely failing at his latest plan or being praised by his tallest.

Oh wait they weren't his tallest anymore. He kept forgetting, they had become sick of him pretty quickly. In fact it only took a year for them to tell him. Since then he'd been living life a little differently. He thought about it long and hard and realized that he was no longer chained to anything. Even the humans shackled themselves to jobs and schools and countries and towns.  
>He figured out that the rules of society are easy to dodge if you know how so he and gir became homeless. He'd even gone to the trouble of burning down the base. And so their tour of the world comenced They were done in less than a year but no place felt right. After his second year on the run (for a few terrorist attacks that he might have helped to create)he knew where he had to go ...Home.<p>

This has been the epilogue to my first (hopefully of many) story If you thought I could Improve on anything I'd love to here what it is.  
>If you thought this was any good I'd love to hear from you.<br>And if you just wanna troll and flame, just remember that trolls are large mountanous morons in fantasy fiction and that playing with fire can burn you.

Also I'd like to mention that my friend Invader Hooniemay is doing an IZ/TD crossover check it out

Playfully yours The sikeokilla EWC


	2. Homecomings are a pain

Welcome once again young gouls and guys this is the sikeokilla here at the discreet funeral morgue

I love the way some writers use their viewers comments to make it more fun to comment and that's what I'm gonna try to do.

So lay back on your slab and relax.

Remember our motto here: you stab em' We slab em'  
>-<p>

Chapter 1:Homecomings are a pain

Zim stepped off the train and took in the scene around him. The town was just the same as he'd left it. 'Well may as well get started' he thought. He began his trek to high sool 'The sign makers in this town were either lazy drunk or stupid.', zim thought.

"Come on Dib we're going to be late!" He heard a somewht familiar voice growl nearby.

Suddenly zim's squeedly spooch jumped and jiggled and it felt pleasureable and painful all at once.  
>He knew that voice He quickly checked his appearance without really knowing why. Only to realize that he was undisquised. Turns out the homeless aren't picky when it comes to companions. He swiftly jabbed a fingerat his watch and selected disguise mode on the galactech wrist watch (the best in extraterestreal engineering) 'I'm so glad I found the black market' zim thought gleefully.<p>

He walked down the sidewalk, his baggy black hoody reached his knees and was slit down the front the arms having long since been ripped from theirrightful place now hung around his wrists like broken handcuffs. He wore raggedy jeans thet had holes so big they stretched from half way up his upper leg to half way down his lower also wore ashirt to cover his chest nothing much just an old audioslave tshirt. As he walked his floppy old vans made slapping sounds on the pavement as the top smacked the bottom repeatedly. His skin preset was caucasian to fit in with the predominant race in the area His blue eyes and short shaggy black hair were so real you could feel them even though they were holographic. And he knew that anyone walking be hind him was being treated to the sight of a skull on his looked over to make sure gir had done the same.

Gir had been upgraded since they began their trip he was now the normal height for a thirteen year old male but he insisted on keeping at least part of his dog costume, much like a child with a security blanket. So there he stood looking like a skinny caucasian boy with red hair no freckles and one green eye and one blue eye. He wore a grunge rock t-shirt he picked up in a russian rave (which inexplicably burned down that day)  
>a pair of raggedy nike running shoes and a worn out pair of wrangler jeans. On top of his head was the head from his old doggie costume and the feet and hands had been made into wrist and ankle bands. He grinned happily at his "big brother". Zim thought that it was clever to have gir pose as his younger brother,<br>especially because the junior high sol was next to the high sool. As he and gir walked down the sidewalk to register for classes they heard an angry cry of indignation and a second later Dib was on top of Zim screaming in his face

"Ha! I knew you'd be back zim! I always knew that...you'd..." Dib trailed off as the boy under him gave him an odd look.

"Get off of me now so me and my little brother can go register for classes you psycho." Zim hissed.

Dib got up and started to walk towards his sister but when he got there she punched him in the shoulder and towards Zim. "Oh right, I'm sorry I tackled you I thought you were someone else." He said rolling his eyes.

"And what else." Gaz said impatiently.

Dib sighed "And I'm a doushebag."

"Well I guess there's no harm done. And might I just say maddam that I sincerely hope I have the pleasure of meeting you again." He said winking as he turned to walk away.

Gaz blushed but quickly hid it and snorted "Yeah, whatever come on Dib we'll be late for school."

They all walked on in silence.

'I wonder if the whole day will be this weird' Zim thought.

'He better stay away from my sister.' Dib thought as he glared at ZIm still not knowing it was really Zim

'What's that guys deal?' Gaz thought.

'I like cookies' Gir thought.

Yep it was gonna be a long day.

So faithful readers what do YOU think is going to happen.  
>Has Zim picked up any other tricks on his travels?<br>Does he really have feelings for Gaz or is he just flirting?  
>And even if he is why does she seem to enjoy it?<br>Will Dib figure out who Zim is?  
>Will Gir ever have and intelligent thought?<p>

Join us next time to find out and remember Celebrate your inner freak... because what makes us wierd makes us unique.

Also I'm going to start putting in roses are red and violets are blue poem spoofs

Here's this chapters

Roses are red,  
>violets are blue,<br>I'm schizophrenic,  
>and so am I<p>

Respectfully yours The sikeokilla EWC 


	3. first day of sool Part 1

Welcome back boys and girls to the discreet funeral morgue I am your host The sikeokilla. Today we'll be continuing our tale where we left off but first I'd like to pay homage to those who took the time to actually review.  
>#1Milanord yes yes and she's so smart what makes you think she doesn't know<p>#2 Midnight776 Don't worry zim still looks the same and I'll definitely have to treat you to zim without a disguise at some point.<br>#3 Invader Hooniemay My good friend I'm glad you enjoyed it and I know I need to watch out for grammar but I write this stuff in notepad because I don't have microsoft documents Also that's todays special but if people keep bringing them in there won't be any left you should think about that *cough*charlie sheen*cough*

Thank you for reviewing. Now on to the main attraction -  
>Chapter 2: First day of sool<p>

'I still can't believe it's been four years.' Zim thought 'Four years since I left. Five years since realizing my banishment six years spent on this horrible rock. Ah well I suppose it can't be helped.'

Zim walked to the offic 'Okay this is getting ridiculous now.' He thought as the sign came into view. He walked in and straight up to the secratary,  
>Ms. Elims. She was known as the constant smile because she always looked like she'd botoxed a smile onto her face.<p>

"Ms Emils I'm here to sign myself and my little brother up for classes."

"Alrighty then I just need your names and grades."

"Seriously that's it"

"Yessiree."

So you don't need any Identifying papers or anything like that, just my name and what grade I belong in?"

"That's correct."

"Okay then this is Gironimo(G-er-on-i-mo) Yzarc. He's in 7th Grade, currently 13, and his date of birth is 8-3-1998."Zim said in a practiced monotone speech as Ms. Emils scribbled away at the sheet in front of her.

"Okay and what about you?" she said in a chipper voice.

"Me? Well my name is Zimanuel Yzarc, I am currently 16 and my date of birth is 4-11-1994."

"Alright dearies here are your class schedules. And if you'll wait one second I'll call some student aids to the office, to help you find your classes."

"Thank you ma'am" Zim said in a syrupy sweet voice.

"Oh my your so welcome dearie." The overweight secratary said as she seemed to sway.

They then left the office and sat outside waiting for the aids to come help them out. The bell warning that the classes started in five minutes went off and zim was starting to get a little antsy when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find a girl with a purple ponytail, really straight white teeth and a shirt that said "I love ponies on". "Hi my name's Gretchen and I'm here to show you to your classes."

"Oh my aren't you the lovely one...But alas fair maiden I cannot leave with you until I am assured that my younger brother is well taken care of. He tends to wander by himself you see." Zim cooed.

And she took the bait. "Aww that's so sweet..." She paused as she stared at Gir and the gasped "And he's just so cute!" she squealed as she latched onto gir in a hug.

'Wow I'm glad I listened to lovedog on the train...I wonder if it would've worked better if I used my guitar.' Zim thought slyly.

"Excuse me but are you Gironimo?" said a girl with slotted eyes and a hat that looked alot like a scary cat as she looked up at gir.

Zim stepped in front of Gir blocking the girls view of him and calmly stated "He prefers to be called Gir and I need to warn you that his mind tends to wander."

"Tacos." Gir screamed happily before beggining to run in circles around the girl.

"He'll be fine" she said

"Of course he will be but it's not him I'm worried about." he whispered.  
>they looked back to see gir smelling her dark blue hair.<p>

"You smell pretty...like motoroil and light bulbs. I like cookies." Gir yammered.

" Okay well good luck with him buh-bye." Zim said but as he was turning away he thought he saw a tall red eyed robot with a slender chasis out of the corner of his eye. But when he spun back around the only ones there were gir and the junior high sol aid.

He shrugged and turned to Gretchen alright then where are my classes?"

A minute later Zim was stepping into his first period of the day. Philosophy...with Ms. Bitters." Alright you horrible teenaged monsters sit down and shut up." Ms. bitters said to an already quiet room." Now the terrible school board has decided to put another student into this army of zomb...I mean grotesque student masses. So without further delay please give an angry boo to zim..."

"I knew it!" Dib yelled as he jumped out of his chair.

"Dib sit down or it's the underground classrooms for you!" Ms. Bitters screamed as her neck veins seemed to pop. Dib sat back down reluctantly. "Please give an angry boo to Zimanuel yzarc."

Zim strode into the room and looked around at all the familiar faces. There were alot of girls in this class...perfect if Dib ever turned on him he'd have an army of groupies at his disposal. "My word I think I made a wrong turn in the hallway this can't be Ms. Bitters class. Why with all the lovely angels in this room I'd imagine I'm in heaven."  
>He said his voice dripping with sugary sweetness even in his newfound low tone. Zim knew he was a sight to behold at 5'11" Zim was just as tall as the average male. His phisique while not truly muscular was sleek and appealing to females (discovered in his travels).<br>And his raggedy clothes made him look like a punk and lord knows how women love bad boys.

As the words left his mouth the girls all let out giggles and squeals.

"Zimanuel..."

"Actually,"Zim interrupted Ms. Bitters "Everyone keeps mistaking me for this Zim character mayhaps you would all rather call me by that name."

"Fine whatever you will sit in the back between to the scary rich girl and the scary girl playing on that doomed gaming device."

Zim paled a little as his blood began to race and his stomach was doing a dance routine.

He sat down and turned to look at Gaz " So how are you my lovely flower are you fairing well."

She leaned in and whispered to him " you might want to consider fixing that hole in your hologram from the corner of someones eye they can see who you are."

"Actually that's unfixable it's just something you have to deal with...speaking of which,"  
>He turned to the girl on the other side of him " Hey Tak I saw mimi in the hall and it appears you've been tinkering as well."<p>

" Of course, why wouldn't I? It's just common sense oh and I love your hologram."

"Thanks" Zim said

"Where'd you get it? I thought you were banished...Oh or did you quit again." She smiled maliciously

"Oh no the humans have what they call a black market. You can find anything legal or not down there.  
>Even living organs, you know you should seriously consider going."<p>

"Oh yeah?" Tak said thoughtfully.

"Yes you might even be able to get yourself a brain with more than two brain cells and less than two personalities." Zim snickered.

At this point Gaz interrupted "Speaking of psychosis Zim shouldn't you be getting back to that crazy robot of yours before he destroys your new base." she smiled at what she hoped was a good burn.

"Okay first off I don't have a new base I'll probably crash with someone here at school. Secondly I signed gir up for junior high sol to keep him out of trouble. Thirdly seriously what is up with the signs in this town? And finally I'd like to say that you have a positively dazzling smile, you should show it off more often."Zim said as he smiled and swiped some holographic hair out of his face.

She seemed to falter at this and seemed about to say something when Dib stood up and screamed from the front of the room. "Hey Zim stay away from my sister!" Before falling out of his chair.

A second later all the girls in class (minus Tak of course) gave Gaz evil staresas if to say stay away from him. Then she replied with a satanic glareof her own challenging them try something. At this point all the girls turned around scared stiff.

As the class got quiet again Ms. Bitters started her lecture on how if a tree fell in the forest and noone heard it it would still be doomed.

'I wonder if Gir is fairing any better' Zim thought.

That's about when they felt the explosion shake the ground.

-  
>So young creepers what do you think:<br>Does Gaz really like Zim?  
>Has Dib already found Zim out?<br>What caused that massive explosion?  
>Will Ms. Bitters ever stop being mean and crusty?<p>

These questions will be answered next time here in the discreet funeral morgue.

Poem for this chapter:

Roses are red Violets are blue I've got a knife Get in the van.

So until next time faithful viewers stay strange

Respectfully yours The sikeokilla EWC 


	4. An explosive situation

Welcome back Horrific Hooligans it is I the sikeokilla with the next part of our tale.  
>But first some thanks and replies are in order.<p>#1 Milanord<p>

Maybe Possibly Spot on And we'll see

#2 Maj460

How the efing H did you post twice. But I'm glad you like it...also the wait is over.

#3 Invader Hooniemay

Seriously maybe that was to easy but as long as you keep Gir quiet back there who cares Thank you for supporting me. Also I don't have a spell cheker like I said I'm using Notepad And I pop out answers fast because it keeps readers happy.

So once again enjoy the morgue and our story while you're still breathing. Because once you pass this place may become your PERMANENT residence.

*Evil Laughter*

Chapter 3: An Explosive situation

As the fire alarm went off all of the students seemed to forget how to properly conduct themselves in this particular situation. Half the students were trampling each other, one-fourth were just running in circles, and some were running to the source of the explosion.  
>All the while teachers were attempting to control the situation.<p>

Dib, Gaz, Zim, and Tak were out in front of those spirnting towards the source.

"You don't think it was..." Dib started to say.

"Who the hell else could it be." Zim and Gaz screamed in unison. Both were way too frantic to be embarassed.

"How do you think it happened?" Tak yelled above the chaos.

"I don't know how does it ever happen. He probably thought that the water in the bowl looked lonely and gave it a sodium friend the size of a rock." Zim grimaced.

"But they don't have chemicals available in home economics" Dib screamed back

"Have you even seen the inside of Gir's head it's filled with the most random things ever. But at times it's been handy. Like when I was creating a doomsday device for the persians..."

They all gave him a weird look.

"What? I needed the money...anyways Gir tripped and out fell some plutonium. I never asked where he got is I always just assumed he picked it up while we were in russia."

"Wait a minute where the hell have you been."

"Duh, everywhere. Wouldn't you?"

"Oh my god there he is." Zim said as gir stumbled forward ash and soot all over his hologram and a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Gir tell zim what has happened here." Zim said dropping his new found self for the moment.

"I made friends with a splosion." Gir squealed with delight as his blue eye danced and his green eye joined in. "I like fire."

" Do you think he'll ever give us a straight answer?" Tak questioned.

"You do know this is Gir we're talking about right? He couldn't give a straight answer even if he wanted to." Zim protested.

"Like defect like robot I guess." Tak said.

Zim growled at this. He raised his fist preparing to strike and then ...he promptly proceded to punch Dib in the face.

"Ouch wait what the hell Zim." Dib screamed.

"She pissed me off."

"So punch HER." Zib screamed the veiins in his massive head bulging.

"That would be rude." Zim said as Dib's jaw just about hit the floor. "Besides now that you surely know who I am..."

"Naturally." Dib smirked.

"...I have to take every opportunity to punch you in the face that I can." Zim stated simply. But in his head he added 'Gaz tends to enjoy it when people brutalize you as well.'

As Dib was about to make a witty remark (the first? *gasp*). The others all got quiet and all except Gaz stared Dibs direction in horror. "My head is not that BIG!" Dib screamed. Then he noticed a slim gaunt shadow that overlapped his. 'Oh crap!' Dibs brain screamed.

"Children now that we've confirmed that the doomed classroom will be safe to return to I would like to point out that you should all have gone outside...And since you've all been so horribly rotten I'm sending notes to all your parents instructing them to hate you. Except for the membrane kids because their father doesn't notice them at all which is worse than all the abuse you'll be recieving in the underground classrooms DIB."

"Why just me?" Dib whined

"I need a reason? Fine your head is too large to fit the dress code"

"Aw man." Dib mumbled.

"Now as for the rest of you go back to the classroom."

As everyone was marching back to the room Ms. Bitters noticed one child who didn't belong. She reached into the student mass and pulled out Gir. "Are you the cause of all this mischief?"  
>Ms. Bitters hissed.<p>

"Yep." Gir said cheerfully whle playing with his feet.

"Oh well then tell your teacher to give you an A+ and give her this note." She handed Gir a note which he didn't bother to read.

"Ima give it to her and then we be bestest buddies."

"Yes I'm sure you will." chuckled darkly.

"Ok bye nice and scary lady."

Gir walked away with the note and as everyone was settling into the room again the teacher came in and Gir handed her the note and then scampered off to his seat next to disgused MiMi. Who looked about ready to beat him senseless.

The note read:  
>Awful Mrs. Maker<p>

I noticed that this student is the cause of the explosion and ruining all fo your souffles.  
>I demand you give him an A+ for crushing school spirit.<p>

From Ms. Bitters

P.s. Sure glad he's your burden and not mine.  
>P.P.s. Muhuhuhahahaha!<p>

-  
>Ah the story is not going very deeply yet is it?<br>But just wait guys and ghouls tommorrow we'll see what happens next and you get to decide were we start

Will we start A. Lunch time in the Cafeteria or B. At their seperate homes afterschool

YOU DECIDE vote now

Todays poem:

Roses are red Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish

He He awesome.

Dearly yours The sikeokilla EWC 


	5. No reprieve from a hard day

Welcome back dear viewers to the discreet funeral morgue Now, based on the fact that voters dictate that I will be moving onto afterschool in their individual housing.

However I'd like you to know all of the IZ casts class schedules. Just for future reference.

Zim l Gaz* l Tak l Dib l Gir**  
>Philosophy l Philosophy l Philosophy l Philosophy l Home Economics<p>

Algebra l Trig l Trig l Algebra l Algebra

Chemistry l Italian l Chemistry l German l 7th grade english

Spanish l Chemistry l German l Chemistry l Chemistry

-Lunch-

Music theory l Art:drawing l Theater l Theater l Theater

US History l US History l US History l US History l Us History***

English 10 l English 10 l English 10 l English 10 l English 7****

*Gaz skipped a grade on account of how smart she is

**Gir is placed in advanced courses because despite psychosis he's not actually all that stupid.  
>*** Irony<p>

****Gir talks in slang terms and jumbles his sentences so he's still got normal grade level english

So onto replies;

#1 Invader Hooniemay

Ah my good friend.  
>Everyone get to know hooniemay she's an up-and-coming author in her own right.<br>She's also my new editor.

P.s. Thanks for supporting me hooniemay.

#2 Midnight776

I meant to portray that zim's travels have given him many new skills and I'm glad to hear that point getting across

And I can't take credit for those poems they came from somewhere else. But I won't tell you where.  
>Why? Because if I did you'd go read them all and spoil it for yourself.<p>

#3 Mel x Dib

Thanks for reviewing. You were the only one to vote so your vote wins by default. Congratulations on that.

Also I'm glad you think so.

Alrighty then I suppose we should get on with the story. Enjoy the story but remember where we are...if you fall asleep you might find that you've become a customer by the time you wake.

-  
>Chapter 4: No reprieve from a hard day<p>

"Ugh." Gaz sighed as she walked in the door slamming it behind her.

As the door slammed, a yelp could be heard from the other side and seconds later the door was swung back open, by Dib, who sported several bruises and a real shiner. He stumbled in clutching his nose and was soon slumped on the couch.

"Well this day was rather exhausting." Gaz said.

Dib shot her a dirty look, clearly letting her know that he thought that she hadn't had it all that rough.

"What? It was." Gaz stated with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Gaz you didn't get the stuffing beat out of you today." Dib said with a grimace as he shifted his weight to try and relieve some of the pain.

"Hey, it's not my fault that I'm not an idiot like you Dib." She growled, "Besides, Zim didn't beat you up. You just missed him with each attempted assault and ended up hitting walls and lockers instead of him." She said before letting out a snicker at the memory.

"It still hurt." He grumbled.

Gaz sighed and rolled her eyes "OK Dib, fine, I'll get us both a Poop-cola and we can get take out from your favourite Chinese place."

Dib gasped "You mean Food Man Chu's."

"Yes, Dib." Gaz said as she handed him his poop.

"Maybe this afternoon will make up for such a horrible day after all."

As if on cue, a scream and crash was heard from above and then another as two layers of building structure fell into the living room, crushing whoever was under it between the coffee table and a pile of rubble. As Gaz and Zim blinked at the mess as the pile started to move and two people emerged pounding on one another. Gir was following them with a stupid smile plastered on his face. And all the while behind Gir, Mimi was punching him repeatedly even though he took no notice. Tak's fist swung around and caught Zim in the mouth. He respnded with a sloppily aimed kick and a step back. Tak's nails raked the side of Zim's neck, leaving a trail behind them. At this point Zim simply fell onto his backside and tried to threw another poorly aimed punch. Tak responded by pulling him up to his feet and holding him in a head lock. He squirmed out of her arms and flung his fist at her. For once, it looked like it might actually hit. His fist was half way to her face when Gaz screamed.

"STOP IT!"

Everyone froze. Tak cut her eyes at Zim and swiftly kicked him straight up in his junk.

"Oh God my ****" Zim screamed as he fell to the floor clutching his crotch with a rather pained expression on his face. (Ha! Like I'm gonna say that word in a teen rated show!)

"Tak..." Gaz warned.

"Oh, like you would have passed a shot like that up."

"True." Gaz said. "But enough talk of maiming Zim, how did all this start?"

"Well, this fool showed up on my doorstep and I just knew that he was there to cause havoc, so I lashed out only to have him run. The coward wouldn't stand and fight! He called that little spaz," She pointed at Gir. "and they started to fly away. Luckily, Mimi was on hand so I ordered her to follow as discreetly as she could. So I waited, until we were right over top of Zim and ordered Mimi to occupy Gir. So, she dropped forward like a kamikaze bomber. I'm not sure, but I think her shorted out circuits..." she paused and shot an accusing look at Gir, who was skipping in circles and singing cheerfully."...caused her to act erratically. After which point we plunged through your ceiling. I think you know the rest."

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself Zim?" Gaz asked, tapping her foot impatiently while she waited for an explanation.

Zim seemed to be recovering from the blow to his nether regions and was trying to speak at the moment but not having much luck at it. As he stood there trying to talk the Membrane siblings eyed him.  
>He was currently bleeding out of the gash that Tak had made across his neck and as the blood fell to the floor, it changed from the normal red to green before falling to the floor to join the rest of his spilled blood.<p>

"OK, I admit that I went to Tak's base, but if she had been listening instead of spacing out, she might have heard me say that I needed a place to stay and that I didn't know anyone else who I could stay with." Zim finished.

"Well why didn't you come ask us Zim?" Gaz asked not really thinking about it until the words were out of her mouth. She blushed, but no one seemed to notice.

Zim mumbled something. "What?" Tak questioned. He mumbled again. "Zim, do you need another kick in the boys to find your voice?" She snarled.

Zim covered his area to protect from further damage. "Okay, Okay. I said that I wasn't sure Dib would approve..."

"There's something else, isn't there?" Dib said.

"Well, I also didn't want a whole lot of people to know how low on the totem pole I'd sunk." Zim said dejectedly, as he blushed and made eye contact with his shoes.

"Well as much as I dislike you Zim, I can't very well leave you out there, knowing that you're hurting bad enough to start going to your old enemies for help. So, you can crash on the couch free for a month. After that you need to either start paying for your stay or get out." In Dibs mind though, he was thinking of all the ways he could use this to his advantage to finally prove that aliens existed.

"Alright...Hey Dib, Gaz?"

"Yeah, Zim?"

"Th..." He struggled to say the word he'd avoided saying most of his life. "Tha...Thank...Thanks alot."

"Wow I never thought I'd here those words out of your mouth, Zim."

"Yeah, well, don't get too used to hearing it because it doesn't fit well in my mouth."

"Alright, Alright. But don't get too used to living here rent free. I'd recommend you get a job if you're planning on holding down a residence in town."

"Well, this has been wonderful and all," Gaz said. "but Dib, you need to go get Chinese. Zim, you need to clean up this mess. And Tak, I still owe you a butt-whoopin' for the last time you beat me at Immortal Kombat."

"Oh, you're on girl." Tak said with a cocky swagger towards the couch. "Oh, wait one sec." She turned to Mimi. "Mimi, cease punching Gir in the head."

"Yes Ma'am" Mimi saluted.

"OO, OOOOOO." Gir started yelling and jumping up and down, waving his arm around his orange holo-hair, mimicking his erratic jumping motions. "Yes Gir?" Gaz said.

"Can I play?" Gir said, holding one hand with his other and smiling.

"Sure, I don't see why not." Gaz shrugged "You play in the losers spot and then whoever loses that match surrenders their controller to the next one in line and so on and so forth."

"Mistress, may I be permitted to play?" Mimi asked, losing the monotone in her voice and asking rather excitedly.

"Yes Mimi, you may. You're in line behind Gir."

And so followed a wild afternoon of gaming.

So fair readers what say you?  
>How should the story proceed?<p>

Has Zim done any other interesting things on his travels?

Will the obviously crushing teens ever come together?

If you have any suggestions to make then make 'em in the review bar please

Hope to see you all soon back here in the discreet funeral morgue

Today's Poem:  
>Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, And so are you. But the roses are wilting, The violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, And so is your head.<p>

Devotedly yours The sikeokilla EWC

P.s. I'm currently shipping several stories right now the list is as follows:  
>My Hostage, Not Yours 3: The Inevitable Takeover ? by RavenFollower13 Bride of Doom ? by QueenofDoomydoom Attatchments ? by Iloveinvaderzim-billyandmandy The Perfect Prom ? by metasgirl And let's not forget my friend hooniemay's Another Total Drama series? (Which happens to be an IZTD crossover)


	6. Dibs nightmare or Zims dream

Welcome once again fickle fiends to the discreet funeral morgue.  
>I am your host The sikeokilla and today we'll see just how far the characters can be pushed before they crack.<p>

Now to the review replies:

#1 Ghost

Ok stop screaming for crying out loud.  
>I suppose I could do more chapters per day but I'd like to announce that I'll be out of town and away from computers from saturday-tuesday<p>

But you are correct I suppose more chapters would be best.

#2 Midnight776 Interesting I think not...this will be mind blowing.

I too think it is rather adorable. But remember that Dib though seemingly okay with this arrangement is actually still hating Zim and planning on "using the situation to his advantage".

#3 Milanord Thanks I wasn't really sure if it was or not and I appreciate the support

#4 Invader Hooniemay I did know that but it's always nice to hear from others that one is doing a good job.  
>I do believe in endorsing you whole-heartedly.<br>And yes all hell will break loose...much like if you told Eric Cartmen he was jewish and that he had to go on a diet at the same time.

So once more thank you for letting me know what you thought.

But enough about all that boring stuff let's cut to the action.  
>Sit back. Relax. And read.<br>-

Chapter 5: Dib's nightmare/Zim's Dream

It was saturday. And all through the house only one creature was stirring. And that creature was Zim

Eyes pinched shut Zim was digging through the cabinets and talking in a stupor. This was the point in Zim's day where he was still trying to wake up completely and even Gir couldn't make sense of his words.

"whersa can a root feet yogi radcopper retman fritel frax."

"Zim what are you doing down here this early? Do you have any idea what freakin' time it is?" Zim stared at her blankly eyes finally open. She didn't wait for a response. " It is 5'oclock in the freakin morning!"

"I must still be dreaming." Zim said thinking out loud. "Well this is my dream. So, where were we my dearest Gaz?"Zim said with a look of adoration in his eyes.

Gaz's eyes shot open in horror revealing her sparkling amber eyes. Then as quickly as they had opened her lids narrowed. "Zim what are you talking about?"She said in a low growl.

"Oh like you don't remember. You just want to hear me say it." He chuckled at what he thought was the Gaz from his dreams being coy."Ok I'll play along. I fell asleep and then you shook me awake and we went up to your room and then our lips locked and we 'went to town' as the humans put it." He said while Gaz stared with ashocked expression." And then I slid my hand up to your thigh and I rolled my tounge around the inside of your mouth." At this point Zim approached her and grabbed Gaz firmly but softly by the shoulders. "Like this" He said as he moved his mouth closer to hers.

She gave in and moved closer to him. She could practically taste his breath. Her eyes gently shut as they both tensed for impact. Flashes of light started to go off but they paid it no mind. they were a mere fourth of an inch from finally touching when a scream that would nail the part in a horror movie as the ditsy cheerleader with the opera-worthy voice. They both broke apart to see dib with his hands on the side of his face screaming. And Gir plugging a cord from his internal camera to a laptop.

"Dib-monkey? what the heck are you doing here." Dib had finally run out of air and was now moving his mouth open and closed like a fish on land. "You can't even let me enjoy THIS can you."

Dib was now changing colors from lack of air. And as Gaz watched him an evil smirk crossed her face. "Come on Zim let's go up to my room. And we can," She turned and whispered something in Zim's ear that made even him blush.

"Um are you sure? Don't you think this is moving a little fast. I mean we've only been going out for a few years now and I'm just not comfortable with..."

"Come with me NOW Zim." Gaz said sternly.

"Y...Yes ma'am."

As soon as they were inside her room Gaz closed the door, locked it, and then started to laugh. She stopped abruptly when she saw Zim taking his shirt off. "What the hell are you doing?" Gaz demanded.

"But you said..."

"Zim I know what I said but listen to me now. You. Are. Not. Asleep. You were awake this entire time and you didn't even realize it."

"Oh...OH. So know that I..."

"Yep."

"And that it's been happening for..."

"Yep."

"Why didn't you say anything."

"Well I was just going to hit you..."

"That's not what it looked like to me."

"Do you want to die."

"No ma'am." Zim said quickly.

"Then shut up. Anyways when I saw Dib freaking out I just couldn't resist."

"But won't Dib be mad."

"You don't know Dib like I do. If something traumatizing happens to him early in the morning then he just goes back to bed saying it's all just a bad dream over and over. Then he goes back to sleep and forgets all about it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Well I'd love to stick around your room and make an even bigger fool of myself. But I have to make sure Gir doesn't destroy your computer."

"What was he doing on there anyways?"

"I don't know but it must have seemed important to him. He pretty much avoids computers ever since he searched doggy and style on google to try and make his costume better. He kept screaming something over and over for a day straight."

"EW."

"Yeah that was it."

"Well what does he think is worth getting on the computer?"

"Well he either finds raves which can't be it because he already decided which one he was going to yesterday."

"Uh-huh."

"Well the only other thing he does is try to sell embarrassing photos of me on ebay. And that can't be it either because I haven't done anything embarassing."

"Well what is it normally that he photographs?"

"Normally it either has to do with me doing something he considers cute or involves me being in a state of undress."

Gaz paled "Zim don't you think Gir would find you making out with someone 'cute'."

"Well yes as a matter of fact he probably would. Why do you ask Gaz human?."

"Think about it for a second. I'm sure you'll get it. It's not like you're a complete idiot."

"Hmm. Well I was downstairs and then we were..."

Zim paled as well and then he looked Gaz in the eye.

"We must stop him." Zim screamed.

"Why should we it's not like anyone we know..."

"The only people that buy anything from Gir anymore are from our school."

"Well it's not really my prob..."

"Actually it is. If that photo get's out then all of those aforementioned fangirls will be out for your blood. And before you say it, I am aware that you can handle it yourself but I don't think the town will survive."

"Alright alright." Gaz agreed grudgingly.

"Let's go!" Zim screamed tearing the door open and rushing inside.

Gaz stared at her closet door waiting for him to come back out. She heard him grunting and waited.

A sigh was heard. "Gaz I'm stuck please help."

She growled and walked over to the closet. "How the heck did you manage..."

Gaz stared at Zim who had somehow ended up inside of one of her black dresses that was still hung on the rack. She then busted out laughing and started rolling on the floor.

Zim frowned at her. He couldn't breath well in this thing and he couldn't get his feet to touch the ground. Then he thought of a way to get Gaz moving.

"You know Gaz if Gir is uploading those pictures then everyone will think that we're going steady."

That did it. After a few minutes of struggling they finally had Zim down and were both rushing downstairs.

"Gir put that computer down." Zim yelled. As the little robot did so they started their interrogation. "Now Gir were you just uploading the pictures you took to ebay."

"Nope." Gir said.

"So Gir what were you doing just now." I was lookin at the funny doggies on the tube of you."

Zim and Gaz exchanged a look. "Okay then you haven't been uploading any pictures."

"Naw."

"Phew." Zim and Gaz both sighed in unison.

"I did that HOURS ago." Gir said letting his head spin in place on the word hours.

"OH MY FRICKIN GOD!"Gaz screamed.

**to be continued...**

Ha a cliff hanger bet you didn't see that coming. Just like the semi in your blind spot.

Today's poem:

Roses are red, violets are blue,  
>If I had your face, I'd be in a zoo.<p>

So faithful viewers until next time this is The sikeokilla here in the discreet funeral morgue.

Good night and god bless.

Sincerely yours The sikeokilla EWC


	7. Quest for the pics Part 1

Welcome viewers to the Discreet Funeral Morgue. I am your host the sikeokilla. I was out of commission for a few days but now I'm back and I'll have you know that I was not vacationing. I simply had urgent business to attend to, those hookers don't bury themselves you know. And the government pays big bucks to have things done discreetly even if it takes a while for me to get to D.C.

Review reply

#1 I'm glad you were able to review no matter how late you think you were.

And I would like to say that I'm looking forward to seeing the mayhem you cause on your way to the top.

#2 Milanord

Glad you thought so

#3 Midnight776

I'm glad that you're enjoying it thus far.

#4 Captor of the crazies

You're quoting 'The Gardener' by Shel Silverstein aren't you? Love the creativity but not quite sure what to make of it review-wise.

So without further ado I present...

Chapter 6: Quest for the pics

"Well what do we do now."

"Now you put this on." Zim said as he handed her a large headband looking metal doo-hickey.

"It's not some weird alien sex toy is it?" Gaz questioned warily eyeing the device

"Ew, God no! Allow me to explain before jumping to vile, and might I add hurtful, conclusions. You see, a while back I was bored so I tinkered with a way to recreate the irken gaming console known as Mind-eye. Mind-eye was a special virtual reality gaming device that could be used anywhere and it fit in your pocket."

"So did you have any luck?"

"Actually no but I was able to make this large gaudy virtual reality simulator with the ability to customize and create it' s own worlds. A unique feature in itself."

"Yeah that's interesting and all but what does it have to do with the current situation?"

"Well I created them from spare parts in old human-made computers so as long as we get to an internet source we'll be able to project ourselves into the internet."

At this point Gir piped in "Master likes the one with Gazzie in it."

"Shut up Gir." Zim hissed

"Zim what's he talking about."

"Nothing! Gir was just joking, isn't that right Gir?"

"No I wasn't." Gir said with a stupid smile on his face

Yes you were." Zim growled.

"No I wasn't."

"Shut UP Gir!" Zim snarled through clenched teeth.

Gir began to laugh psychotically and proceeded to run around the room. Zim just stood still while Gaz expectantly waited for him to take chase. But he didn't move he was just tapping his foot in a slow rhythm and noiselessly moving his mouth with a bored expression on his face.

"What are you...?" Gaz was beggining to ask when she was cut off.

"Twenty." Zim calmly proclaimed as he held his arm out to his side. As if on cue Gir zipped by and was subsequently caught by Zim. Zim then promptly grabbed Gir's ear and twisted it backwards four times. Each time the ear was twisted Gir seemed to get quieter until on the final click he fell silent. Gaz couldn't tell that the robot was even talking save for his mouth moving repeatedly. This was followed by Zim pushing his finger into the disguised robots ear and pulling it back out before turning Gir to face him. Gir was tugging on his ear when Zim stated rather authoritatively, "Gir I'll only turn your volume back up if you promise to behave. Do you promise?" Gir shook his head up and down in a decidedly agreeing manner. Zim then pushed his finger back into Gir's ear before twisting it forwards four times and pushing in again.

"What was that all about?" Gaz asked.

"Well I finally got tired of Gir's incessant ranting and installed a volume modifier, being Gir, figured out how to turn it up instead of down. After destroying several ear-drums and cracking more than a few psyches I installed a childproof lock on it."

"Well that's interesting and all. But I meant, what was Gir talking about?"

"Oh, yeah that..." Zim said spacing out for a second with a huge smile creeping onto his face.

"Zim!" Gaz growled bringing him back out of his daze. "What was it?"

"Nothing! Hey look at the time we better get going. Just pop it on and we'll be on our way."

She scowled at him silently with her arms crossed for a moment or two.

"Fine," She said as she roughly grabbed and yanked one of the devices from Zims grasp, "but I'm kicking your butt when we get back." She stopped and thought for a bit before quckly adding ,"And I get to keep this one."

"But..." Zim started.

"Zim... you're getting off easy. Do you really want to push it?"

Zim swallowed a non-existent lump and put his own simulator on having already attached the cables they'd need to make the trip.

"That's what I thought." Gaz said with a smirk. "Be good Gir. And don't do anything stu... I mean dange... You know what just don't do anything, okay?"

Gir shot up and fell into place right in front of Gaz. Eyes burning bright red, as he yelled, "Yes Mistress Gaz ma'am."

"That's what I wanted to hear."

"Fire is pretty. I like to make the pretty." Gir said having once again returned to his usual chaotic self.

"Gir command prompt create/the pretty/on/person sub-route Big headed Dibby."

Some clicking and beeping noises were heard from inside Gir's head. And then suddenly he leaped into the garage and zipped up the stairs with a lighter and a red gas can. The whole time squealing in delight.

Gaz hovered her simulator above her head with a smile all the while listening for the mayhem to start. She put it all the way down after hearing three sentences come from Dib's room in startled screams. "Ah Cold! **AH HOT! OH SWEET MERCIFUL GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!**"

Gaz came into a world not simply filled with light, but rather made of light. At first there was nothing but the light and a seemingly endless space. Then her body appeared. This was followed by Zim's body appearing. Quickly added was a vast metropolis of color spanning out before them looking as if it went millions of miles in every direction.

"Oh. Wow." Gaz said taking in the splendor and beauty of it all.

"As you've probably noticed cyber space looks a lot like a city. Well in reality it's just a bunch of figures numbers and programs, but through the use of the simulator it is converting all of that into something you can actually perceive and enjoy. But enough with the sight seeing we can do that some other time. Let's narrow down the search a bit shall we." Zim splayed his fingers out and a screen appeared between his hands. From that screen he selected the search function and clicked recent history under the file name Gir. And selected Today.

Suddenly the field seemed to shrivel to the size of a large suburban neighborhood.

"There, that's a little better." he whispered

"That does narrow it down pretty well." Gaz stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but don't catch your breath yet. We still have to find it before the auction ends in an hour. Plus we need to watch for and avoid viruses, firewalls, debuggers, hackers, and pop-ups. On a lighter note you can create anything you can imagine including weaponry and armor. So it's not as if we're completely helpless."

"Hey Zim check it out!" Gaz said from behind him. He turned to find Gaz in a black leather corset top, a tight black leather skirt that came down to her mid-thigh, fishnet stockings, and heavy steel toed combat boots. She also sported a purple mohawk, a gold earring, a nose stud, a chain attaching her wallet to her pants, and a set of brass knuckles.

"While I'm glad you're having fun I'd just like to say that I think your hair looked better the way it was."

"You think so?" Gaz asked.

"I really do." Zim said giving her a smile that could melt butter.

"Oh all right. But everything else stays."

"No complaints here." Zim purred quietly.

"What was that?" Gaz questioned.

Zim was almost tempted to tell her but thought she might take it badly so he sighed. "Nothing, nothing at all."

"Alright then if your done gawking at my bod then lets go. The last thing I want to have to deal with is an angry mob, especially on a school day."

"Well let's start by finding Ebay. From there you upload the virus program and I'll fend off the debugging and antivirus software programs that will undoubtedly come after us."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Alright let's get going. We've already wasted a good twenty minutes just standing here talking to each other." Zim said as he stared down at his watch.

Neither said a word as they began their search for Ebay but secretly they both made the same mental note 'Time well wasted.'

To be continued...

So there you have it folks.

What will Zim and Gaz do in cyberspace?

Will they find the photos in time?

Will Gir ever learn?

Will Dib be alive the next time we check in on him?

Well I suppose we'll find out next time. Until then I'll wait here in the Discreet Funeral Morgue. Oh but don't you worry about my loneliness dear readers I have plenty of company. In fact I feel quite at home here, among the corpses.

Maniacally yours

The sikeokilla

EWC

Poem of the day:

Roses are red Daffodils are yellow I'd rather have rabies Than be your fellow


	8. Quest for the pictures Part 2

Welcome back angry viewers I apologize for having been gone so long but I'm here now and I'm ready to continue our tale.

**Review Reply:**

**#1**

Ah, my good friend Hooniemay, I'm glad that you're still as eccentric as ever and I wish you luck on your quest of conquest.

That being said I apologize for being out of contact for some time.

Apologetically yours

The sikeokilla

EWC

**#2**

My dear captor, I thank you for reviewing but I must inform you that I am not much of a poet. I suppose my circle of friends offline would be more interesting if I was though. I must inform you that any moron can just go onto the internet and search lines. That's what I did and I apologize if I mislead you.

Sinfully yours

The sikeokilla

EWC

P.s. I do enjoy John Donne's Holy Sonnet 10.

But enough with all this wasting of time grab a coffin, lay back, and prepare for me to bury you in my words.

* * *

><p><strong>The Quest for the Pictures PART II<strong>

"Zim, I think we ought to ask for directions."

"Nonsense I know exactly were we're going."

"Zim we've been walking in a circle for the past half hour. We're going to be late all because of your stupid pride." She smiled as she thought of a way to make Zim squirm. "And that would be a shame since you're such a great kisser."

Zim froze with a blush creeping up the side of his face. "Well it's not like you haven't been enjoying yourself." As Gaz turned to glare at him he quickly added, "No, not that. Not that you shouldn't have enjoyed that. I mean... I just thought you had fun playing around on facebook and twitter and that one chase account."

"Well it would have been three if that security protocol hadn't shown up. Besides changing peoples statuses to pregnant, stupid, and carrying an STD are a great past time of mine."

"Well I'm glad you're having fun." Zim said with a grin.

"Yeah well we can walk around aimlessly AFTER we've done what we came to do. And I know being a male it's hard for you to admit that you need directions. But I being the female am smart enough to know that we need them and sexy enough to get the answers."

"Fine but try not to expose yourself too much. I hate the idea of someone else ogling you."

"Someone ELSE?"Gaz questioned with a stare that would put the fear into a tiger.

"OH look there it is!" Zim pointed and screamed trying to distract her.

She glanced in the direction Zim was pointing. "Good work Zim."

"Wait it really is? I mean, of course it is! Why would you ever doubt me?"

"Yeah and under your direction we only walked past it like six times. Oh and it's cute that you were jealous but I still have to punish you later for ogling me."

Zim sighed heavily "Figures."

"Come on we only have two minutes left until the auction ends."

They ran into the building and from the directory quickly found their way to the auction. It was a lot more organized than the other sites Gir had visited. That being said Gir had visited Chase, Google, , wikipedia, youtube, newgrounds, angry monkey online, and victorias secret. Gaz and Zim were quite silent when they saw that last one. At the time each was remaining quiet hopeful that the other one hadn't seen it and at the same time wondering what was wrong with Gir. But with the structure also came huge security features. There was a virtual vault with the virtual pics and their bill of sale inside. Zim snapped his fingers and was instantly covered by goggles and a bandanna. He lit the welding torch in his hand and went to work. As this was happening Gaz played look out and put down any security that came their way. Zim finally got a big enough hole and they snagged the pics. Gaz threw something into their place and that's about when they started running. An army of security and anti hack was hot on their trail as noise and red light flooded the building.

"They're going into lockdown what do we do" Zim wailed as the gate in front of them shut and the programs were closing in.

"What else?" Gaz replied as she snapped her fingers and was rewarded with a brick. "We improvise." She flung the red acme brick at the window. As it shattered she grabbed Zim and leaped from the window. Figuring he'd take care of himself she let go in mid-air setting up for her landing. Gaz hit the ground boots first in a kneeling crouch. She was nimble and quick like a cat. Zim was not so lucky. He hit the pavement with a resounding smack. It was like a belly flop, a well placed slap, a kick in the genitals, and a punch to the gut all combined into one.

After Zim finally recomposed himself he noticed Gaz staring at him. "What!" He yelled still clutching his family jewels.

"I didn't know that irkens had...well you know." She said staring at his cupped hands.

"Actually I've done some extensive research on the subject and our species are alot alike anatomically speaking. You see the male puts his..."

Gaz slapped her hand over his mouth "To much information Zim." She hissed giving him his queue to shut up.

"But I thought you already heard. I mean they said that they gave the girls the same lesson in biology. If you girls weren't learning then..." He stared at her suspiciously and questioningly. "What goes on in that room."

"Look I got the talk I just don't want to discuss it with YOU."

"Why.

"Because you're a male and I'm female and it's seen as explicit when a male and a female talk about their research of sexual intercourse."

"Well then I shall change the subject. What did you leave in place of the pictures."

"A little something I've been saving for a rainy day."

"But it's sunny out."

"It's just an expression. Look it's some pictures of Dib in stupid and compromising positions. It will either make him more popular with girls thus getting him out of my hair OR it will make him a laughing stock which will fill my ruined lives quota. Either way people will be whispering about him and staring which will serve to confuse him which is fun to watch because we know what's going on and he doesn't."

"Excellent. But on a different note we have plenty of time now that that's taken care of. You wanna catch a movie?"

"Oh well I don't know I've been saving up for a new game..."

"No I meant an illegally pirated movie."

"Oh, then sure."

"And afterwards I'll hijack Paris Hilton's bank account and we can eat out wherever you w..."

She interrupted him with a blurted "Bloaty's."

"Bloaty's it is. Then the rest is being moved to a secret account."

"Hey why aren't you protesting? Earth food hurt you six years ago when you landed here."

"Oh my sweet Gazelene, only certain Earth foods hurt me and most only affect me when applied to my skin. My digestive tract is perfectly able to digest pizza."

She gave him a look as if to ask how he knew for sure.

"I hitched rides illegally on trains and slept on the streets. I made very little money as a performer and subsequently pizza was all I could afford. Except in Italy where it costs a small fortune to eat a pizza."

"What kind of performance did you do."

"Break dancing."

"I think I'd like to see that one day."

"I'd love to show you sometime but for now let's catch that movie."

* * *

><p>Well this is the latest in the series of events between the strange pair.<p>

The next chapter will involve the Monday following the weekend that this story finishes telling.

Now just to clarify the pictures Gaz used to replace the old ones were of Dib in nude positions. She took the pictures whenever he walked around exposed to brake him of the habit...or simply to brake him.

Vote on whether Dib should be secretly mocked by the girls for having tiny junk or silently drooled over for putting elephants to shame.

I'll give you three days to figure it out. (Besides it'll give me time to come up with some more goodies for you to make up for being a slacker/procrastinator.

Procrastinators of the world unite...tomorrow.

Also recently I've been on youtube and people just keep blasting songs and bands on the net. I wish this would come to an end so my two cents go a little like this.

rock is about expression and rebellion but not at the loss of love let's all just chill and give into the glorious rebellion of rock

So once again I'm sorry for being late.

Stay stupid, Stay rebellious, Stay weird. Remember that you're awesome. I know I will

Shocked and in awe

The sikeokilla

EWC

P.s. This Christmas holidays if you go caroling sing the song "Gothic Christmas" by within temptation.

**Poem of the day:**

Roses are red.  
>cake is a lie.<br>My name is Ash  
>Prepare to die!<p>

P.s. Ash, from housewares. AOD anyone.


	9. Just Another Day in Paradise? Part I

Welcome back to all you freaks, geeks, and people with beaks. Before we get started today We must first go through the honored tradition of rambling followed by a reply to those who reviewed last chapter. Would anyone like a peperoni, sausage, and pickle pizza? It's my favorite. No? You want me to shut up and write? Or is that just the voices? Never mind onto the reviews.

**REVIEW REPLY**

#1 Dear Invader Cakez

I would like to thank you for your enthusiasm and wish you well in your endeavor whatever it may be.

Also I apologize for my misuse of the word epilogue I am not truthfully alert at the hour in which I write...or anytime really.

#2 Dear Invader Blood

You seem to be highly enthusiastic when it comes to Dib bashing. I cannot say that I feel the same but I will try not to get in the way of your enthusiasm.

#3 Dear necron lord

I appreciate your taking the time to vote. Thank you for helping to shape the comic.

#4 Dear Captor

I have already PM'd you on most of your speech but I will say that rich people probably have no taste buds if they eat caviar with their ice cream.

Also I thought that giving Zim more talent would help to emphasize his journeys perks.

#5 My friend Invader Hooniemay

I am glad that you were able to put your two cents into this chapter and I always enjoy hearing from you.

To all of you who have not reviewed I would like to thank you for reading. To all those of you that dislike my story I'd like to ask why.

After three days the results are in and the votes are as shown below

2 for Dib being mocked

3 for Dib becoming a sex idol among the females in school

1 for kicking my but for even asking such a question

The reason I don't mention the names of the people who voted for sexy Dib is because I don't want to out them to the party who came in second in the polls.

So without further ado let us begin.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: Just Another Day in Paradise?<strong>

* * *

><p>As Dib, Gaz, Gir, and Zim walked through the halls glances were being traded all around.<p>

The usual admirers were watching Gir.

A large part of the high school crowds girls were staring at Dib which seemed to utterly confuse him and he checked his face for pimples for the fourth time this morning. Gaz and Zim both watched Dib snickering all the while. There was one last pair of eyes that everyone missed watching the four. Zim and Gaz both kept turning in unison to try and catch the eyes that they felt watching them. This was the third time that they were rewarded with nothing.

Of course Dib was prepared for people watching him. A couple years back he installed micro cameras that looked like metal studs into his jacket. He had placed the monitor for them on the inside of his coat. On the back of the left breast pockets stitching. Gaz was counting on him to turn around and dramatically pinpoint the culprit but he didn't even glance at it. He was way too caught up in the women who were all eying him. Gaz knew that they were looking at him longingly and hungrily but Dib who had never even had an innocent relationship let alone a lust-filled one had no idea what that look meant. This would drive him crazy all day Gaz thought as she saw him run his hand over his face looking for blemishes once again. She smirked but her amusement was short lived as she felt that prickling feeling attack her neck telling her that someone was watching them.

'Screw it, let the freak watch.' Gaz mentally ranted in frustration.

She felt a hand squeeze her's and turned to see Zim giving her a reassuring smile.

"You felt it too huh?" He whispered gently.

"If you don't put some distance between us your fans are going to tear me apart."

"We both know that you would destroy anything threatening that came your way. Just relax." Zim checked to make sure that Dib wasn't looking and then gently grabbed Gaz's lips with his own. His tongue rolled around the inside of her mouth as his lips gently massaged hers and for a few moments there was no one else. Then they separated and reality seemed to return to it's normalcy.

The unseen eyes watched intently taking in everything they could. 'I finally found them.' he thought to himself as he quickly closed the gap between him and them his hand reaching into his pocket. 'And to think I'd all but given up hope.' He whipped the item in his pocket out and held it at arms length seeming to draw a line straight for the group and yelled "Ey, you lot!"

They all turned only to be surprised by the object being held pointed at them.

* * *

><p>Ha! Cliffhangers an internet author's best friend.<p>

Who is this mysterious person?

What does he want with our heroes?

Is he friend or foe?

Why do pickles taste good on a pizza with peperoni and sausage?

All these questions and more will be answered next time right here, in the Discreet Funeral Morgue.

* * *

><p>Poem of the day:<p>

Roses are red  
>Violets are blue<br>I have V.D.  
>Now you have it too.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Wishing your deaths to be quick, painless, and as timely as you want them to be<em>

_The sikeokilla_

_EWC_


	10. Just Another Dayy in Paradise? Part 2

Dear viewers I, the Sikeokilla would like to welcome you back to my humble abode.

Here in the Discreet Funeral Morgue our motto is:

The good die young and worms eat their insides

But the evil must live long enough for the guilt to do the same

Well I apologize for the break but I've been on bed-rest for a small while. Apparently when you're out in the heat the sun can give you burns bad enough to keep you hobbling and wobbling for a few days. Throwing up and nearly dying of heat stroke probably didn't help too much either. Plus my computer's been infected up to now. That isn't the important part though the important part is that the readers enjoy themselves. So without further ado about nothing.

**Review Reply**

**#1 Captor of the Crazies**

My dear Captor perhaps it was best I was forced to wait to write this. Otherwise I might not have had your input.

I too hope my existence is somewhat meaningful. On a similar note mcdonalds might be the cause of death. The french fries I'm telling you no one else salts them like mickey d's.

Yeah he might be british *wink***. **Got the idea from the show misfits.**  
><strong>

**#2Invader Hooniemay **

Ah my good friend I am glad that you are well and I wish you all the best with your story. I would also like it to be noted that I enjoy a good pizza every now and again as well. And though I support everyone having a choice in story, and I respect the ZADR writers, I simply find that I cannot enjoy myself when I read them.

**#3 Midnight776**

Not reviewing was not a huge offense. It's not like you shot a nuke at my house. I'm glad that you're curious about the mystery person and though I wish it could be a villian. The people in my brain have already decided who the mystery people are.

**#4 Invader Cakez**

Dealing things out is fun but getting the recieving end is never as fun as the dealing end is it... heh heh heh. Still I must thank you for taking the time to exchange a pleasentry.

And so dear creeps and cretins it is time for the story. Don't forget to stop by the snack bar for our pickled ears and candied eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Just Another Day in Paradise? Part 2<strong>

* * *

><p>The group stood confused for a couple of moments just staring at the person in front of them. A rather skinny young fellow with blonde hair that was permanantly locked in a cowlick. Eyes that seemed to be colored gray despite his radiation of goofiness. As he stepped forward his hood seemed to swing around in an unnatural motion. "I've been looking all over for you. What you say we take a quick stroll out of this dreary building." He spoke in fluid american. The object formerly being held hanging at his side.<p>

Dib seemed to recognize the person in front of them and jabbed his finger in the young fellows direction. "YOU!", he screamed in obvious agitation.

" Blimey, put yo finger down you barmy trainspotta." the boy hissed his fluid american slipping into a a quickly spoken brittish accent that was barely understandable.

"You two know each other?" Gaz questioned her brother with a rather inquizitive look on her face.

"That's De..."

The boy pinched a vein that was popping out of Dib's neck before he could complete the sentence. "Well if your brothers done making an ass out of himself shall we." He swung his hand in the direction of the door.

Gaz shrugged her shoulders "Not like we have anything important to do. But there's one problem with your plan"

The stranger swung Dib over his shoulder "And what's that?"

"Them." Gaz said nodding her head in the direction of the door was the bulk of the Zim fanclub and the Dib fanclub. The mob stood in a stand off with the group. No one moved. No one spoke. Out of the blue some random goth chick comes in the door behind the angry fangirls and starts to walk towards Zim, Gaz, Gir, Dib, and The mystery dude. One of the crazy fanchicks grabbed her and started whispering in her ear.

She rolled her eyes and started speaking whatever was being said aloud. "Okay they say we should hand over the heartthrobs but to show you that they have no hard feelings against you for attacking their sex idol they'll let you have the scary-looking girl." The one who was whispering to the goth had a light-bulb-over-the-head-moment and frantically started whispering into the goths ear. Ms. Dark and gloomy turns and stares at the girl before being shoved for lack of action. "They say that if you give him to them while he's still out of it they'll let you take the one with weird colored eyes too."

Little Ms. gothic closed the gap between herself and the mystery guy. "So what's it to be? Do we run, put em down, or bargain."

"It's too early in the morning for this rubbish." The boy said his voice slipping back into that british accent. Gaz noted that it only appeared when he was excited by the events around him."I say we use the time fing you did last time we was in a bloomin mess like vis one."

"Alright alright." The girl turned to look at Gir, Gaz, and Zim. "Just so you know the next thing you'll see will be a second later and about a mile away if I can keep it up that long." She threw her hands out and suddenly they were all in a bar.

"Oh good you're all fine. See I told you that last time was a coincidence. Anyways I assume you're expecting some kind of explanation, and it's one you well deserve. But we'll wait for your brother to come to in..." He grabbed his wrist and stared at it moving his lips in a silent count down. At the apparent end of this countdown he pointed at Dib who jolted upright.

As soon as Dib regained his senses he jumped up on top of the table and jabbed his finger at the by. He quckly followed this by leaning down in the boys face and hissing the words "So we meet again Death. Oh and I see you've brought the other Death of *Censored(name of city)*."

Everyone else stared at the two strangers. Even Gaz had her eyes wide open in awe and shock. "You two are death?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Well only for this city. You see..."

Dib quickly cut off the rest of the strangers words " God cursed Cain for killing his brother but the problem was that Cain actually had dual personas so he split the two of them up. One became the first known vampire in existence and the other was given the freat task of becoming master of death. The latter spirit was used in all the daily harvesting of souls but it just wasn't enough the spirit worked itself so hard it became nothing but bones hence the classic visage. So god allowed him to enter through the blood stream into any human host who was either willing or able depending on certain circumstances. The worlds population grew and with it deaths also grew. So two deaths are assigned to every major city in the world and one for the expanse between large cities."

"When you are chosen your identity disappears along with any knowledge that you ever existed. I was introduced through the blood contract between me and the previous death of this city. But Scabs over there was chosen at random ain't that right Scabs." The Girl sneered.

"Oh shut the 'ell up Teresa."

"I told you to call me Raven Darkfeather."

"And I told you to stop callin me Scabs."

They glared at each other for a few moments before Gaz stood and growled. "Just what the hell does this have to do with us?"

"Oh right." Scabs said suddenly remembering the thing in his hand. He tossed it across the table to Gaz. It was a piece of paper that read:

**Specters**

**See the first ever performance of this up and coming alt rock band.**

**Rockies Road Shack**

**7 P.M.-2A.M.**

"Well that's great for you and all but what's it got to do with us?" Zim questioned.

Scabs remained silent and this time Teresa was the one to do all the talking " Scabs over here booked this gig thinking we'd get it when we finally got a band together but it's still just him on bass and me on vocals. We know that Dib used to play drums for a band called bigfoot and the wolfmen. Gaz used to sneak out of the house when no one was listening and play electric guitar with a punk industrial metal band. Zim we know that you picked up a set of strings while you were running from yourself. And we know for a fact that not only does Gir beat box and rap, but he's also really popular for his cute and cuddly appeal. We know all about all of you."

"Did we just get asked to start a band with death?" Zim asked nonchalantly.

Gaz turned to him "Yes Zim, yes we did."

* * *

><p>Betcha didn't see that one coming but then neither did I. That whole death thing is just something I've been tossing around in my head for a little while.<p>

So remember stay weird but don't forget that without normal people there is no strange. For there to be an us there must be a them.

**Poem of the Day:**

**Roses are red  
>Violets are blue<br>If something smells bad  
>it's gotta be you.<strong>

Well so long faithful readers and just another reminder, let your freak flag fly as is inhumanly possible.

**Symbolically and metaphorically yours**

**The sikeokilla**

**EWC  
><strong>


	11. Death Metal Backstage

**Review Reply:**

**#1 Invader Cakez**

Bands are pretty awesome. But don't ever forget that awsomesause is strictly reserved for I'm just kidding...it's also reserved for tacos.

**#2 Invader Hooniemay**

Starting a band with death. I'm not gonna lie I envy the characters. Hoping you are well my friend.

Yours in death as much as in life

The sikeokilla

EWC

(Open on lanky host wearing black hoody, sunglasses and black face wrap holding a bloody scalpel over a man on a slab). Ah there you are faithful viewers, my apologies for not seeking you out but as you can see I've been rather busy. So last we left off Gaz, Zim, Gir, and Dib were all asked to join a band. With the local town's death. I like the kind of music that (shoves hand inside corpse and comes up with a heart) pulls at the heart strings. Then again I love the rock n' roll. ( Shoves a rock in place of heart sews up corpse and rolls him off the table) So let's try to compromise, the band will play rock while the couples will tug on those old heart strings of yours. We'll have a bloody good time, I promise.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10: Death Metal Backstage<strong>

* * *

><p>"Do I really have to wear this?" Dib complained for the tenth time.<p>

Teresa dressed up in a red leather corset and tight leather pants gave Dib a sickly sweet smile "DIb if you mess this up for me I'll castrate you in your sleep and bust off your kneecaps."

Dib was silent but still pouting. They had done his hair up in a mowhawk, put a gold colored fake earring in his left ear, and put a gas mask with a pentagram in the forehead area on him. He wore a white t-shirt with punk written in black letters and a leather jacket over that. He also wore fingerless gloves with studs on the back, tight black leather pants and large black dress-shoes.

"Can't I at least have pants that actually fit me?"

Scab stepped up in a black robe that reached his feet which were wrapped in bandages. His facial expression seemed to question Dib's IQ. "No way man. Do you realize ow popular you'll make va band if women in va audience get sight of your massive man-meat through your trousers? The answer my friend, is very very popular."

"What is wrong with you people?"Dib screamed.

"Keep it down out there!", came a yell from another room nearby.

I still can't believe that we get to open for Ten Years." Teresa squealed seeming to ooze with glee.

"Oh please, first off american music is nofing compared ta british rock. It's like comparing a littl bity candle to a bleedin flamethrowa. Secondly the only good music is old music. Ya know like AC/DC."

Teresa looked like she was about to retort when Gaz stepped out of one of the changing rooms.

"How do I look?" Gaz said.

Hey Gaz they gave you a fake earring too." Dib said.

Gaz looked at him strangely "Fake, right."

Gaz was dressed in black combat boots and baggy military style combat pants held up by an ammo belt. A black tank top left her midriff exposed and a gold earring attached to a chain which had a demon skull charm on the end dangled from a hole in her ear. A red military beret skewed on top of her head.

"Very nice my darling but what might you be wearing under all of that?" Zim who had suddenly appeared behund Gaz purred gently into her ear. Gaz's face grew a shade of red that tomatoes could never even hope to achieve. She turned and took a swing at him. Zim dodged playfully all the while laughing with great mirth.

"Wow Zim it' sactually rather bold of you to not wear a human disguise." Teresa commented.

Zim stared down at himself. He wore an old metallic army helmet that had metalbent upwards in an odd way due to having been used to cover an exploding grenade. He worea black shirt with the word Freak written on it in neon red letters. A chain filled with dog tags around his neck. A red leather jacket reached his ankles. A black pair of shorts came to his knees. and underneath that he wore a white pair of world industries sneakers with a picture of blood dripping from a mountain of skulls on the side.

"Actually green skin will blend in better here than anywhere else. Zim has done his research." Zim replied with an obnoxiously smug smile.

"Zim."Gaz said in an even but warning tone. "What did I tell you about patting yourself on the back?"

Zim stared down at his suddenly interesting foot. "Only once a day and never too obnoxious."

"That's right and you already gave yourself a pat on the back this morning while you were gloating about last night."

"What happened last night?" Dib questioned.

Scab sensing shit was about to go down pulled out a video camera. Teresa seeing that Scab wasn't going to intervene decided to do so herself.

"Hey we forgot to tell you what your band names were."She started going around the circle. "Dib you're Parafreak. Gaz you're Gasoline. Zim you're Sargeant World-Doomer."She turned to find Gir in his human disguise. The only difference from his normal appearance was his clothing. Gir was decked out in a pair of chackered vans and green shorts that endeed between his ankle and his knees. He wore a black t-shirt with a white Z and a white question mark together inside of a white square. A gold cross dangled from his neck and he wore one of Dib's old trench coats over all of it. The hat that was fashioned from his old disguise was still in place but there was bloody gore splattered on it. He looked serious which made everyone stare at Zim.

"What? He get's serious when he does this kind of thing. It's the only time he get's serious come to think of it."

"Gir you'll be DJ Dead Dog."

"Word." Gir said.

Again everyone stared at Zim.

"Don't look at me. He went clubbing somewhere downtown and when he came home he just seemed to have picked up all these different slang terms."

That's when they heard a microphone come alive on the stage behind the curtain. "Everybody get ta yo places. Les knock em dead."

The anouncers voice boomed from the stage. "Please give a Mosh Hell welcome to the PHANTOMS."

The curtain started to pull back and the crowd began to roar. But in all their minds it was only a dull noise as the blood pumped through their minds faster and faster. At the same moment they all had the same thought. "Here we go."

**To be continued...**

* * *

><p><span>So what songs will be in their set?<span> Remember Alt. Rock. That's rock with undertones of something else.

**Vote now!** What do you want to hear them sing?

A set has three songs. And I already know what the encore is going to be.

Three Days is what you got to make your vote.

Have fun while you can because where I am school is starting back up. Not that I have to go.

Each and every single one of you is unique in your own way. No matter how much you share with others there's always something that makes YOU unique.

Wishing you all a unique and interesting life, death, and life after death.

The sikeokilla

EWC

* * *

><p><strong>Poem of the day:<strong>

Roses are red

Violence is bloody

littleton kid went

killing with his buddy

Una-bomber! Oklahoma! Fire down da hoe!

Sharks in da gene pool south of Koslovo!

Everyone's packin'. So I'll pack my nickel bag.

Gonna get my peace on and offer ya's a drag.

-"Sinfest" Tatsuya Ishida


	12. Conclusion

Young man is brooding in a chair with his eyes turned towards the ground. "Oh, it's you guys." He sighs and then conntinues, "Well I'm sick of this fic. I can't keep up with the updates, I'm not getting enough feedback to do the music show, and I seem to be getting away from my ZAGR roots. By the time you reach the end of this document ... this fic will be dead. But as a punishment for not reviewing I'm skipping straight to the night after the concert. If you need an explanation for this, the answer is that they got really hammered after bumping out an awesome show in which Gir rapped like a boss. For those of you who did review your special concert message will arrive in two to five work days. This chapter is not the end for my stories however. No, no, no dear viewers in fact this is the epilogue to Vagabond Zim but it is also the prologue to my new fic. It will not be a FANfic I'm doing it on 's sister site : FictionPress. If you liked the death characters you might like this new fic. But be warned that they are not involved."

So as I always instruct you sit back relax and drink in the last few slurps of this fic. It will soon be as cold as the rest of the customers here in the Discreet Funeral Morgue.

* * *

><p>Conclusion<p>

* * *

><p>Gaz woke to find Zim holding her <strong>fully clothed<strong> body (perverts) and staring at her.

"Good morning Gazelene."

"What time is it?" Gaz yawned rubbing sleep from her eye.

"It's about 8 in the morning."

"God my head hurts." she groaned

"Be thankful, it may seem bad now but when the blinds were open it was much worse."

"Where is everyone?"

"They must all be in the living room. Through that door" He pointed when she seemed confused. "Let's go say hello."

She glared at him. "You just want to bother Dib don't you."

"What and you don't?"

"Point taken."

They manuvered their way through the room that looked like a rioting mob of roughians had ransacked it (say that ten times fast). The door opened and they were met with a sight that made their jaws drop. Dib was motionless on a coffee table with his arms wrapped around a large green pillow. He was stark naked.

"OH MY GOD!" Gaz screamed making anyone who was asleep wake with a start and causing both Zim and herself to cringe.

Four people had been sleeping on the couch and three people sleeping on the love seat all woke up. Dib and his "pillow" both woke with a start only to stare at each other.

"TAK?" Dib screamed causing everyone around to grab their ears.

"Inside voices you blooming trainspotta. God is your brova always such a wanka in the mornin." Roach complained pulling sunglasses over his eyes slowly so as not to cause pain.

"What happened last night?"Tak said covering herself and looking around.

"Well ,"a strange red skinned guy in the loveseat started " first you guys did that killer show and then you started drinking. Zim and Gaz were drinking some deep amber lauger conservatively. Roach and Raven were both drinking some peach schnapps. But Dib, who at the time was still wearing the goggles off of his gas mask went straight for the whiskey. After he was so drunk he couldn't stand he started buying Tak some Lemon Drops. One thing led to another and Roach ended up following us here."

"Oh god we're in so much trouble Roach."Raven said. When she saw everyone staring at her she explained, "We're not supposed to leave the city at the same time. Noone is taking care of the dead and killing those who are supposed to die untimely. But if we hurry we can make it back in time for the rave deaths adn still clean up our mess." She grabbed Roaches arm and they both stumbled outside into the light. Seconds later the screech of tires was heard.

"Zim has a few questions for you krik-boy."

The boys eyebrows rose at this. "What sort of questions Invader?"

"First off, where are we. Secondly, who are all you strangers. Thirdly, can you take us home. And my fourth and most important question, can you please for the love of the control brains clothe the Dib-stink and Tak the space whore."

"I am not a whore Zim." she hissed.

"Uh-huh and what other reason do you have for sleeping with the Dib-monkey? Surely you are not trying to tell the almighty Zim that you are actually interested in DIB."

"Hey!"Dib cried out in defense.

"Shut it." the irkens replied in unison.

"Well, not that this isn't fun to watch and all but, the answers to your questions are quite simple Zim. You're in California. I'm Jake that blue dude is Ziz, that chick to his right is Angel. This guy to my right is Deg and this girl to my left is Crystal, Deg's girlfriend."

"Are you a demon sent from hell to reclaim my sister as the rightful heir?" Dib asked gawking at him. "You can't be that old your horns haven't even come in yet. Where's your tail? What's hell like?"

"Enough Dib. I am not a demon I am a krik. We are a tribe of aliens who journeyed to earth millenia ago. When we got here some people believed we were deities and called us satyrs. We don't have hooves though so where they got that I have no clue. Anyways the roman catholics didn't take kindly to other religions so they propagandized that we were demons sent from hell by the devil. Which is were the modern conception comes from. I don't have horns or a tail because of a delay in my maturation process. That's the reason I was cast off of Krikaram as an infant."

"That seems kinda harsh."Dib bluntly stated pulling on a pair of pants.

"I was heir to the throne. They couldn't have a freak as an heir. So they replaced me with someone elses child, told that family that he died, and shot me off of the planet towards the sun. However they had a sloppy aim and didn't ensure that the pod was aimed in the correct direction so I ended up on earth. The pod they chose had some history and other such cultural items inside of it on account of it was never meant for disposal of a newborn. I was taken into a nearby institution where I was raised ,but that's a story for another day."

"So you'll drive us back?"

"Pretty much."

"Awesome let's jet."

* * *

><p>THE END...NOT<p>

* * *

><p>Epilogue:<p>

AN:This is a curtesy as I don't like lose ends when I read a story.

So what happened to everyone?

Well, Dib and Tak eventually got together. They adopted several children and are currently living out their lives comfortably and peacefully in a quiet suburban household.

Zim and Gaz traveled earth and saw everything there was to see. Eventually Zim was able to create a way for Gaz to gain an Irken lifespan. They traveled the Galaxies until they both died of natural causes.

Gir went on to be a successful musician and when it was revealed he was a robot he grew even more famous. He currently resides in an apartment that was constructed inside of the "H" of hollywood. Every day he comes up with a new kick-ass rap.

After seeing Gir's success Mimi decide to become a musician as well. Turns out she's actually pretty awesome. She formed a band with a bunch of different robotic creatures of her own design. They played all the clubs until they hit it big with Rocklife Records. They currently reside in the "O" of hollywood.

As for Roach and Raven they finally found some more band members and currently are making a big splash in all the local bars, parties, and raves. They are partying they're afterlives away and loving every millisecond of it.

As for the rest their story shall be told in my new fic which will be found at .com. My screenname is the same so look up Sikeokilla in a couple days. Also I'm finally getting a facebook page. My name is Edward Willford Cainam.

Soldier for the coming apocolypse

The sikeokilla

EWC


End file.
